Domesticity 101
by Re-Rei
Summary: After all those years Erik spent hunting down Shaw, nothing could have prepared him for the 'normal' life. One-shot series.
1. Mess

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Marvel owns all the characters used in this fanfic.

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><p>"What the <em>hell<em> did you do?" Erik asked dropping the grocery bag he was holding onto the floor as he stepped into his once pristine kitchen. His gaze wandered around the room - taking in the copious amount of goo that covered every single inch of the walls, counters and floor - until it landed on the person that stood 'innocently' in the middle of all the chaos.

Sean.

The teen squeaked and subconsciously took a step back in fear. Literally shrinking under Erik's intense glare, he coughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck with his hand, "I…err…was cooking…?"

Erik was not the least bit impressed.

"Cooking? It looks as if you were building a bomb," he commented dryly, rubbing his forehead in exasperation.

"I didn't mean too," Sean whined, crossing his arms in a childish manner. "It just sort of…happened."

Erik raised an eyebrow and gestured to a huge pile of blackened scrap metal that was once a microwave, "_This_ just happened to explode on its own?"

"Dude, just chill. I had everything under control."

"Key word: had."

"Okay, okay, poor choice of wording on my part but everything's still good," Sean said, trying – and failing – to reason with the older man. "The kitchen's still intact…mostly."

"…"

"It isn't that bad; we just need to clean it up a bit," Sean shrugged, trying to seem uncaring – which he probably was – and indifferent about the whole situation.

"And re-paint it, re-model it, and practically replace the whole kitchen," Erik deadpanned.

"Fine, I messed up, big deal. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"What made you think putting eggs in the microwave was a good idea?"

"Like I said, I was trying to cook and since you banned me from using the oven, I used the next best thing to cook my egg."

Erik's eye twitched as he struggled to suppress the urge to strangle the redhead, "Everyone has the right to be stupid every once in a while but you are abusing the privilege."

"I resent that!"

"You only do because it's true."

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><p>Forgive my grammar and spelling.<p>

Okay, this is an attempt to write something light-hearted for once. I failed, I am so sorry.


	2. Rodents

****Disclaimer:** **I own nothing. Marvel owns all the characters used in this fanfic.

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><p>It was little after one o'clock in the afternoon and everyone at the mansion was enjoying a rare day off. Everyone was left to their own devices; which may or may not have been such a good idea ("I regret nothing!" Sean yelled as he ran away from a fuming Raven.). Erik was standing outside on the lawn, absently weaving a coin through his fingers, when Charles stormed passed him with a broom in hand.<p>

Intrigued, Erik followed the telepath until they reached a small garden.

Or rather, what _used_ to be one.

_What happened?_ Erik wondered as he noted that about eighty percent of the garden looked as if it was ravaged by something.

"Rodents." Charles answered simply, not turning around, "Moles to be exact."

Nodding, Erik asked, "And the broom...?"

"Sometimes they need a little encouragement," Charles said, shrugging nonchalantly.

"What about your telepathy?"

"No, animals are too stupid for me to influence."

"The mighty Charles Xavier bested by a couple of moles. How wonderful."

The Englishman's ears burned with embaressment, "S-Shut up!

Erik laughed quietly, "What would you say if I offered to help you?"

"I'd say, that would be lovely."

"How about if I said I have over fifty brooms at my disposal?"

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><p>Thank-you Alicia for your kind words and I'm elated to think that you really liked my story! Haha, I'm planning on doing a chapter for everyone but if you have any requests, tell me and I'll do my best!<p>

If any of you guys have any requests for a chapter, tell me please! I can't write romance at all. Seriously, I am so inexperienced in that field...

Ugh, I failed...AGAIN! This wasn't even remotely funny.


	3. Flies

****Disclaimer:** **I own nothing. Marvel owns all the characters used in this fanfic. I guess Elvis Presley owns the song mentioned here.

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><p>Erik exhaled loudly as he laid down on the couch, utterly exhausted from his morning jog. He had lost track of time and ended up jogging for far longer than he originally planned. Nonetheless, the extra exercise was welcome despite the fact that it left him literally breathless.<p>

He reached over and grabbed the book he was currently reading from the nearby coffee table. But he didn't even crack the book open before Raven stomped into the room, her face twisted into a grimace. She growled as she plopped onto chair adjacent to Erik. She was mad, _very _mad.

"What happened?" Erik asked, curious as to what had made the shape-shifter so angry. In fact, Raven was so angry that her powers were spiraling out of control. She kept shifting from one persona on to the next, sometimes she was even caught between two to three different personae; it was actually quite amusing to watch.

Raven crossed her arms over her chest, "Sean happened."

That was all the explanation Erik needed.

"He was spying on me while I was-" she blushed and quickly muttered the last part, "-singing along to _Love Me Tender_."

Erik said nothing in response, opting to listen to Raven rant.

"And then he just barged in, scaring me half to death and he was _screaming _while he did it too_. _So that meant I was scared half to deafness. I can't believe I didn't notice him, he was like-"

"A fly on a wall?" A voice cut in. The pair turned around only to see Charles leaning against the wall.

Raven nodded, "Yeah!"

"Well, that was very rude of Sean."

"So, can I murder him in the most painful way possible?" Raven asked, even go as far as to give Charles The Look a.k.a. the puppy-dog eyes.

But Charles was unwavering, "No. He didn't do anything harmful to you and you have no valid reason for you to murder him."

Raven's jaw dropped, "Oh you have got to be kidding me Charlie!"

The telepath smirked, a devilish glint in his eyes, "You didn't let me finish, dear sister."

Erik raised an eyebrow as he watched an evil smile slowly stretch across Charles's face. He didn't expect to see such a mischievous look on his friend, the supposed _mature_ professor. Then again, there were probably many other things about Charles that he didn't know about.

_'You learn something new every day_,' Erik mused.

"…And that's how you trap a _fly_."

As Charles finished speaking, all three of them had matching expressions of pure evil.

_The next morning…_

During breakfast time, Erik sipped his coffee in content as he read the newspaper. Across from him, Charles and Raven chattered about something he really didn't care about. Beside him; Hank, Alex, and Moira were all looking up at the kitchen ceiling.

"How did…" Hank started, completely amazed, "That's just not possible.

"He had it coming." Alex snickered as he finished stuffed a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"That's just amazing." Moira admired.

Erik turned the page, completely ignoring the muffled screams above him.

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><p>I completely agree with you Alicia. Chapter 2 was such a fail. I hope I did better this time around...<p>

Thankees for all your support, fellow X-Men fans!


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